A Hawkeye on Values

Copyright 2007 Ben S. Pollock

Alan Alda is not necessarily a genius, though he’s been a documentary host on PBS. Nor is he a hero, though he played one in M*A*S*H. He even may have had co-writing (aka ghosting) or close editing (aka ghosting) with either or both of his memoir volumes, the second of which he was promoting on ABC’s The View on Nov. 20. Yet, he provoked me. Something he said that morning has made me think.

He was asked by one of the hostesses if his advice to young people had changed over the years. Indeed, he said. He used to suggest in commencement speeches that graduates pay attention to their values and heed them. Recently he realized that some values are terrible, such as those of criminals and some rulers. So he instead recommends that the young examine values and adopt the good ones.

OK, Self, what are my values? For two weeks I’ve played with this. Not that I didn’t know, but the words were hard to pinpoint. I am principled but to express them pushed them away until a list gradually formed. It is a mess, full of conditionals or clarifications. Values aren’t supposed to be relative. But they can be misunderstood.

I am not a cut-and-dried, Ten Commandments / 613 Talmudic Laws fellow, but neither were “they” back then. Any religious scholar would caution that the Scriptures spends pages looking at which exceptions are allowed and sometimes encouraged. Values get qualified all the time.

That’s one reason for polishing this set of thoughts. The other is that revealing values makes me feel vulnerable, and I’m not sure why. After all, we recited values in the Scouts; I could state those instead and go read the funnies. But I’d rather dare myself.

Because values can be organizing principles of action, they don’t need to be explained, as they prove themselves. The action is all that counts. A flag pin is barely a gesture. But some people wear values as medals. I’ve known some older men, including my dad, who were reluctant to talk of their military service. They may have been either traumatized or embarrassed at how uneventful their stint was. They may be modest of their heroism because a few seconds one way or another and things might have been different. Veterans like these often bristle at the gents who love to tell war stories. Modesty in all things even in modesty — or is that another M word? Elaborating here on values, saying them out loud, seems to clarify them. That’s helpful, and it must be what Alda meant.

• Humility is wonderful, but false humility goes too far. It’s easier to relate to people who are modest. If you are modest, you are more approachable yourself. False humility hides ulterior motives. When a person approaches, he always wants something — it may be to ask the time or to give you a sweepstakes check, but being chatted up is never happenstance.

• Pride is a value. But pride can lapse into arrogance. Arrogance, where pride overflows, is counterproductive at best and delusional at worst. If the potter has no pride in his work, he’d never see any vase as ready for the kiln. Then he’d never fire enough to set them out in the marketplace and shout to passers-by, “My pots are the best in town.” If he doesn’t sell them, he starves.

• The U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights. Their clauses ebb and flow over the decades, according to needs and moderated by their inherent checks and balances. If a period, like now, is way too much “yin,” we can be assured we’ll bounce back with some “yang.” But when someone says they value the “American way of life,” it’s a good idea to ask them to be more specific. They are thrilled to tell you. Don’t be surprised when they don’t include the Bill of Rights, outside of the Second Amendment.

• “As long as it gets in somewhere, it will get read.” This mantra kept me sane for over a decade when I was wire editor and Sunday editor in Little Rock. If this is not a value, it represents cluster of them. As wire editor I watched other editors get hot over story placement. As Sunday editor, I had to mediate. But my statement either confused or angered the ego-bound and turf-conscious; it may have hurt my career. Yet I still apply the statement broadly to matters outside a newsroom as it defines priorities with detachment, perspective, patience — values all.

• Avoid rumors. I won’t give information about things, events or people that I am not sure of. If the matter has to be addressed, I’ll state what is uncertain. Likewise I resent others handing me gossip or bad science information. Like the Silver Rule, this value is clearest when expressed in the negative. But I gain understanding in learning what junk people feel they need to believe.

• Honesty is a value, but candor is not. Candor means saying what you think regardless of whom it affects or how. Honesty is a term forced onto opinions. Opinions are true if they are honestly held. So what? An honest opinion is not a fact; it’s still opinion. Opinions often just don’t matter. They’re just noise that can deafen.

• Listening closely ranks over talking cleverly. But confession is not good for the soul. It can be an excellent tool for healing when performed with qualified counselors. Otherwise, it’s symptomatic of the influence of daytime talk shows. The speaker does not feel better, long term; that’s why confessors move around to fresh ears. A sympathetic listener is rewarded by feeling worse for being powerless.

• The Gold-plated Rule, not so much the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule works in theory, not in the day-to-day. Some rate the negative version lower, the Silver Rule, but it is attributed to several cultures. Day after day, it clarifies: Do not do what you don’t want done to you. The golden Do Unto Others, when people attempt it, makes them nuisances. Hence the Gold-plated Rule: I don’t want to be a pest to others and resent others who claim to be looking out for me. In fact, they’re hawking their assistance from their belief system, which they then find hard to accept is not universal. Faith is neither reason nor a value.

• Moderation, but be moderate about it. “One should always leave the dinner table a little hungry.” That’s from Chapter 18 of A. Scott Berg’s biography of Max Perkins and was an expression of his great-grandfather, meant literally. The book editor though gave it as advice to writers, to which he added, “It is always better to give a little less than the reader wants, than more.” This goes further than food and words. Recognize satiety. How about another chip?

• Humor. It shows, if not wisdom, then that one is on the path to wisdom. But humor can cut, because it has an edge. Aim for sharpness. Humor done even dully gives rise to perspective. The point of stepping away, of having perspective, is to be able to say of most things: This is not that important, in fact, it’s ridiculous.

After all these, is there a value to close with?

Love. Love? No, fooled you. Love is like faith. Vital, but not a value. One more guess.

• Kindness. But seeing it in the negative clarifies it: Score keeping and building, and turf holding or expansion. Keeping score and holding turf are crucial. We have a democratic republic in part because we don’t let other nations invade us. We can knock impulses back out of the law. Score and turf are so important they’re what sports and games are all about — learning to fight, to figure these out, including which are the battles and which are the wars.

Kindness is easy on the conscience. There’s no need to justify kindness. But kindness is risky. So are moderation, patience, democracy, perspective, honesty, humor, pride, humility. People might talk.

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