Art museums are necessary evils. Even as they perform their important functions of archivism, centralization and certification, they rob their collected pieces of vital energy.”
— Philip Martin, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007
DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — It’s time, my fellow Americans, to stand up to the injustice of housing works of art in museums. The practice is inhumane and beneath us. If we do not object, then we are complicit in this archaic tradition. If we so much as spend a Sunday at a special exhibit of rarely seen pieces, brought from far far away, we are as those who nail art to the wall. If we enjoy lunch at the museum friends’ cafe or buy cards at its gift shop, we are funding evil.
Art should be free. It should not be held captive.
Perhaps you’ve received mailings from PETA, Publicans for the Esthetic Transience of Art. Its investigators give lurid details — with photographs that even show the gawkers — of Picasso’s Spanish oils held against their will in New York and of Van Gogh’s Dutch sunflowers jailed in Philadelphia. If you were a Vincent-dreamed vase of sunflowers, would you want to spend eternity in Philly?
I got an alumni brochure the other day from Stanford University. It has become a repository of Rodin bronzes. The cover of the flyer showed the Frenchman’s famed Burghers of Calais in the campus Quad. I ask you, how many bicycles have crashed into them? One would be too many. Then there’s students who seize the helpless statues as political tools.
What do the Publicans for the Esthetic Transience of Art recommend? They take their cue from the other PETA: Boycott museums and museum-related activities just as you shun zoos for how they preserve endangered animals by enslaving them for procreation, if not mockery by passers-by who throw kibble at them. If a set of museum keys lands in your pocket, open the doors.
On a more modest, more legal scale, use lots of original art in your own rooms. They need not be Rembrandts. On the other hand, any art that’s sold because it’s “sofa size” should be taken from the stores and donated to museums. Curators may not notice.
There’s that Thomas Kinkade. He calls himself the “Painter of Light.” Don’t worry about freeing him; he’s no artist.
Put your own pieces up, not only at home but inside and outside your vehicle. Offer them to your favorite burger joint.
Don’t forget children’s art. You might be surprised at how many people prefer it.
Lastly, find spots for copies of famous works. They’re inspiring. If you don’t want to buy overpriced lithos at the mall, surf the Internet and hit Print. -30-
