Category Archives: Chronicles of Crystal Britches

Tales from the life of Ms. Crystal Britches

A Day at the Museum

Copy­right 2011 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — Crys­tal Britches was speech­less, stand­ing in the set­ting sun on a recent after­noon in a park­ing lot in Ben­tonville, Ark. “She did it. My old BFF really pulled it off,” Ms. Britches said of her peri­odic Best Friend For­ever Alice. I, her ghost-publicist Noah Vale, had driven […]

Bentonville Picture Show

Copy­right 2011 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — What a lovely day for a ded­i­ca­tion. This is free-range jour­nal­ist Noah Vale, prepar­ing a live blog for my client Crys­tal Britches. We are here for the open­ing of Crys­tal Bridges Museum of Amer­i­can Art, although Ms. Britches prefers call­ing it the Ravee­nia Museum, the Ozark Museum […]

Our Raveenia Museum

Copy­right 2011 Ben S. Pol­lock I. Cross­ing the Line DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — Should her museum-progress trek be now or wait till it’s fur­ther along? My client Crys­tal Britches calls Fayet­teville and Wash­ing­ton County home. For her, Ben­tonville and the rest of Ben­ton County are places to visit. Unlike, say, Spring­dale, which she sees as merely one […]

Belly Up with Dickson Street

Copy­right 2010 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — I grabbed a take-out cof­fee from Com­mon Grounds and headed across Fayetteville’s Dick­son Street to the rose gar­den of the cur­rent Wal­ton Arts Cen­ter. I sat on the ter­raced brick wall, wait­ing for my client-friend Crys­tal Britches, and shiv­ered. The flower bushes were faded, match­ing the mood. “Hon’, […]

From Moma to Mopa

Copy­right 2010 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — My client Crys­tal Britches was swel­ter­ing in her plas­tic rain gear. It neared 90 this morn­ing at the Fayet­teville Farm­ers Mar­ket — nearly all the sum­mer veg­gies were avail­able but no musi­cians or side­walk artists — but the fore­cast had pro­jected rain. “Hon’. I thought I’d find […]

Welcome, Fair Shareholders

Copy­right 2009 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — Dear Wal-Mart share­hold­ers and employ­ees, oops, I mean “asso­ciates.” And the for­mer, you smart happy investors. If you’ve come to North­west Arkansas before, we’re glad to have you back, and that means you don’t need to trou­ble your­self fur­ther in the read­ing this let­ter of wel­come. So […]

Three School Monte

Copy­right 2008 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — With a maneu­ver some describe as canny, the Green­land School Dis­trict annexed Fayet­teville Pub­lic Schools, offi­cials with both announced Wednes­day morn­ing. The new body will be called the Greater Green­land School Dis­trict and will use the facil­i­ties and per­son­nel of both. Thus, three high schools will educate […]

Hog in a Poke

Copy­right 2008 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — “So Crys­tal, you were there in Mor­ril­ton this morn­ing? “Look­ing for a good price on Petit Jean ham, but all I could find were Uni­ver­sity of Arkansas trustees. Saw them going for the poke as well as the pig.” “That may have been the sale of the century,” […]

Schools Daze

Copy­right 2008 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — Fayet­teville phil­an­thropist Crys­tal Britches didn’t under­stand. Not my news­pa­per nor the other one nor any TV sta­tion quoted her remarks at a pub­lic hear­ing held a month ago by the Future of Fayet­teville High School Select Com­mit­tee II. Maybe she showed up at the wrong meeting — […]

Dentist Examines Gift Horse

Copy­right 2008 Ben S. Pol­lock DATELINE MIRTHOLOGY — That would be me, a metaphor­i­cal den­tist, just for the morn­ing. Even though as a jour­nal­ist, ethics for­bids me from vol­un­teer­ing in pol­i­tics I have over the years taken on other tasks out­side the news­room. It’s a nice way to meet inter­est­ing peo­ple, and one actu­ally gets […]