Birdberg Blotter: Ear notch

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Woman on North Linden Avenue reported a man’s ear being bitten outside a Petsmart. The man was her husband, but she called because he was too embarrassed. Victim wearing a red-and-black cap with an ivory bill. HE had just bought 50-pound sack of bird food, “guaranteed to contain not less than 50 percent wood-boring beetles at all stages of maturity.”

Husband said item was on sale, thought it might go in bird feeders instead of seed and better repulse squirrels. At time of attack, he witnessed a flutter of black and white wings, along with high-pitched bird calls that sounded like “Look out, chump.”

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One thought on “Birdberg Blotter: Ear notch

  1. The more I read blogs like this, Bigshot Ben, the more I realize that the Internet isn’t the Great Opportunity, the Future.

    It’s the galaxy’s largest restroom stall: “Here I sit, broken-hearted” and all that. Little even that profound.

    In conclusion, for “a good time,” do NOT “call this number.” — Noah

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