Hand-colored engraving of ivory-billed woodpeckers – male on the left, female on the right – by John James Audubon, between 1827 and 1838. Wikimedia Commons, public domain<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nAudubon Prints Stolen<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Monday, February 13, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Caller on North Fiddlesticks Place accuses ex-roommate of stealing pictures. He is not sure about the roommate, as he left \u201cthe other day, I think.\u201d Audubon wildlife prints went missing overnight. Oddly, there is a great number of nail holes in walls that complainant does not remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nCartoon Videos Pillaged<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Tuesday, February 14, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Blockbuster Video reported cartoon section ransacked during night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nTea, Plants Taken<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Wednesday, February 15, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Woman at 114 N. School St. reported drinks and plants taken from her apartment. Drink was Southern sweet tea \u2014 pitcher still had inch of beverage, which patrolman sampled for authenticity because test kit was back in the car. Complainant vowed pitcher full last night and that she accidentally left it on kitchen counter instead of ice box.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Missing plants included magnolia, hickory and grapevines she was trying to root.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nIntruders Watch TV<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Thursday, February 16, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Caller at 1207 Sherlock Ave. reported a burglary, with the intruders watching television inside the house. Caller said suspects must have escaped out large, open window with ripped screen as he entered through back door. Was sure TV off when he went to work, but DVD of Woody Woodpecker cartoons was still on when officers arrived. He is sure he does not own such a disk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nWindowpane Pain<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Friday, February 17, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Caller at 1321 S. Hendricks St. reported waking to hear someone knocking on windowpanes. Caller said sound was double-knock: \u201cBAM-bam\u201d with both bams sharp and short, a hammer tap more than a fist thud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nFlying Monkey?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Saturday, February 18, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Man with Amalgamated Trucking reported a black monkey with red and ivory features loose on Spanking Road out in the county. When questioned, he said monkey was as realistic a critter as he could name, but what he saw was in flight, with perhaps a 33-inch wingspread. Agreed with responding deputy that monkeys don\u2019t fly, at least in Arkansas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nNot a Marimba<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Sunday, February 19, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Man at 1004 W. Deadhorse Mountain Road reported xylophone stolen from church at that address. Parson said this was a traditional xylophone, the kind with wooden bars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nNot Tequila Mockingbird<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Monday, February 20, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Man with Bypass Liquor Warehouse reported a case of mescal was stolen. No sign of entry but, oddly, fresh droppings of a number of birds discovered on dock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nOther Shoe Drops<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Tuesday, February 21, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Woman on North Hemlock Drive reported being assaulted with a shoe. On interrogation, woman said shoe seemed to have dropped from sky on her head, but that claim of assault would bring officers more quickly. Shoe not her size and not this season\u2019s, either, she told sheriff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nEar Notch<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Wednesday, February 22, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Woman on North Linden Avenue reported a man’s ear being bitten outside a Petsmart. The man was her husband, but she called because he was too embarrassed. Victim wearing a red-and-black cap with an ivory bill. He had just bought 50-pound sack of bird food, \u201cguaranteed to contain not less than 50 percent wood-boring beetles at all stages of maturity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Husband said item was on sale, thought it might go in bird feeders instead of seed and better repulse squirrels. At time of attack, he witnessed a flutter of black and white wings, along with high-pitched bird calls that sounded like \u201cLook out, chump.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
NOTE: Comment posted to this entry, Feb. 22, 2006: “The more I read blogs like this, Bigshot Ben, the more I realize that the Internet isn\u2019t the Great Opportunity, the Future.
“It\u2019s the galaxy\u2019s largest restroom stall: ‘Here I sit, broken-hearted’ and all that. Little even that profound.
“In conclusion, for ‘a good time,’ do NOT ‘call this number.’ \u2014 Noah”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nMallets Aforethought<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Thursday, February 23, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Woman on Rural Route 49 reported hearing xylophone in the woods. Tune was \u201cBorn on the Bayou\u201d but played fast, as if by \u201cgiant hummingbirds with mallets.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nCheck This<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Friday, February 24, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Manager of Big Woods Wal-Mart reported four cases of forgery overnight, with holes and tears at checks\u2019 signature lines. Cashier did not readily know which real Supercenter customer signs checks with holes and tears, as most use their names, although a few regulars scrawl out an X.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nBayou Battle<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Saturday, February 25, 2006<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two rangers at Cache River National Wildlife Refuge report breaking up a war between two flocks of woodpeckers. One ranger claimed they fought like in West Side Story.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nFirst ranger said a darker, smaller gang had as many as 24 members, apparently Pileated Woodpeckers, according to field book. Gang of four larger yet faster woodpeckers with more white on wings held them at bay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Field book appendix confirmed those four were Ivory-billed Woodpeckers, thought extinct. \u201cThat\u2019s why they was so mad,\u201d Ranger A reported.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ivory-bills won in second overtime. Lead male flew down, picked up pine cone in beak and \u201cspiked it.\u201d Then, \u201cI be dogged but he danced an aerial jig,\u201d reported Ranger A.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Inspection of marsh showed that pileated \u2018peckers did suffer casualties, but abundant numbers show as a species they\u2019re in no danger from resurgence of ivory bills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ranger B told the shift supervisor they arrived at scene after confiscating a \u201cmess of mescal bottles\u201d at picnic pavilion. Noted all grubs from the bottles missing but some still had lots of liquor in them. Confirmed type of beverage by testing manually because analysis kit left at headquarters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Casebook Closed<\/em><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u00a9 2006 Ben S. Pollock If Twitter had been up in February 2006, these listings from a mirthological police blotter log would have been tweets. But that social medium came about weeks later. The ivory-billed woodpecker, unofficially considered extinct, had been spotted the previous two years in rural Arkansas. Ivory-billed woodpeckers wouldn’t tweet, those peckers […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-birdberg-blotter"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-content\/uploads\/Campephilus_principalis-Ivory-billed-Woodpecker-Audubon-16x9-1.jpeg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2006\/02\/birdberg-blotter-pileated-police-log\/","url_meta":{"origin":7104,"position":0},"title":"Birdberg Blotter: Pileated Police Log","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"February 12, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"NEWS ITEM (AP, more or less) -- Recordings of the ivory-billed woodpecker's distinctive calls have convinced doubting researchers that the large bird once thought extinct is still living in an Arkansas swamp, the Cache River National Wildlife Refuge. \"We sent them some sounds this summer,\" said John W. Fitzpatrick, director\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Birdberg Blotter"","block_context":{"text":"Birdberg Blotter","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/briefs\/birdberg-blotter\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":20,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2006\/02\/birdberg-blotter-check-this\/","url_meta":{"origin":7104,"position":1},"title":"Birdberg Blotter: Check this","author":"Ben S. 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Pollock","date":"February 17, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"","rel":"","context":"In "Birdberg Blotter"","block_context":{"text":"Birdberg Blotter","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/briefs\/birdberg-blotter\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":18,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2006\/02\/birdberg-blotter-ear-notch\/","url_meta":{"origin":7104,"position":4},"title":"Birdberg Blotter: Ear notch","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"February 22, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"","rel":"","context":"In "Birdberg Blotter"","block_context":{"text":"Birdberg Blotter","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/briefs\/birdberg-blotter\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":19,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2006\/02\/birdberg-blotter-mallets-aforethought\/","url_meta":{"origin":7104,"position":5},"title":"Birdberg Blotter: Mallets aforethought","author":"Ben S. 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![\"Hand-colored](\"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-content\/uploads\/Campephilus_principalis-Ivory-billed-Woodpecker-Audubon-202x300.jpg\")
<\/a>