{"id":28,"date":"2005-12-28T14:13:32","date_gmt":"2005-12-28T20:13:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/index.php\/2005\/12\/28\/always-waiting\/"},"modified":"2006-02-13T14:19:28","modified_gmt":"2006-02-13T20:19:28","slug":"always-waiting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2005\/12\/always-waiting\/","title":{"rendered":"Always waiting"},"content":{"rendered":"
Copyright 2005 Ben S. Pollock<\/font><\/h6>\n

<\/font>Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005.<\/font><\/b><\/font> Waiting. Some Enron executive pleaded guilty today to being a crook. Enron? Wasn’t that way back? (Wait here, I’ll check.) The corporation filed for bankruptcy in 2001.<\/font><\/p>\n

He’s a criminal who hurt thousands of employees, yet imagine waiting four years to learn how long your prison term was going to be. He was out on bond for four years, and today discovered he’ll be in the pokey for the next five. He’s got it coming.<\/font><\/p>\n

Still, how did he wake each day? You don’t have to feel sorry for the guy just to wear his bathrobe (moccasins optional) as he brushes his teeth every morning for four years. Imagine the weight of the Wait.<\/font><\/p>\n

I have a Wait for something big. There’s no clue if I’ll get it. (Not a holiday gift nor a court verdict.) Worse, the decision has been delayed by more than a month. When it finally comes, that call will change substantial parts of my life. A Wait thus defined always means high stakes.<\/font><\/p>\n

Every day since July or September (when the Wait began is not clear), I wonder, will I hear today? If Yes, what will I do next? If No, what to do instead? Just like the rest of the future, the temptation during a Wait to consider is in direct proportion to its unpredictability. Daydreams and daymares are irresistible, both of which waste time and heighten anxiety. It is a classic Wait: I can’t hurry it or add to the probability of success. All that’s left is to stew.<\/font><\/p>\n

An early Wait: Letters from colleges as a high school senior: Yes, No and Financial Aid (a No there kills the Yes). Most of my 20s was spent in one Wait or another: Better job, a girlfriend who might be The One. Waits were easier to take in my 30s. I don’t know why.<\/font><\/p>\n

Throughout 2001 newspapers nationwide were cutting back at record levels: Would I be downsized? In September, the answer came. The Yes came from my editor. The human resource director, there as witness, held my hand as I teared up — for all that worry, I was surprised. (I was put, and apparently remain, on that paper’s "eligible for rehire" list so the firing indeed stemmed from finances, not me.)<\/font><\/p>\n

In 2005, more newspapers were doing larger layoffs, still I have yet to worry: I trust this publisher. Of course, there’s two days left in the year.<\/font><\/p>\n

Other people always cause the Wait. Sure, you may have asked this person or that for something so you bring it on initially, but the Wait always is at the hand of an Other. The weather perhaps could bring on a wait, but an agonizing one? Hardly. The economy? I didn’t get a pink slip from Wall Street.<\/font><\/p>\n

Various Waits have darkened so many days I otherwise would have enjoyed. Waits for Something Big apparently — how come no one told me? — are a part of what I call a life well-lived, where one strives for more even after you’re not that young anymore. Too bad any Wait is miserable. Too bad it must contain by definition the seed of failure. It means, in a word, Risk. -30-<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Copyright 2005 Ben S. Pollock Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005. Waiting. Some Enron executive pleaded guilty today to being a crook. Enron? Wasn’t that way back? (Wait here, I’ll check.) The corporation filed for bankruptcy in 2001. He’s a criminal who hurt thousands of employees, yet imagine waiting four years to learn how long your prison […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-lessons"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":95,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2005\/06\/bicycles-are-cool\/","url_meta":{"origin":28,"position":0},"title":"Bicycles are cool","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"June 10, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Copyright 2005 Ben S. Pollock Friday, June 10, 2005: There are serious two mountain bikers moving around on the Town Center Plaza, off the Fayetteville Square. \"Serious\"? That is, dedicated. First, very good bikes. The 20-something woman and man are wearing fancy helmets and true skintight bicycle shorts and tights,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Body, Home, Street"","block_context":{"text":"Body, Home, Street","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/body-home-street\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":29,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2005\/12\/four-horsemen-of-christmas\/","url_meta":{"origin":28,"position":1},"title":"Four horsemen of Christmas","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"December 13, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Copyright 2005 Ben S. Pollock The four horsemen of the Christmas Tuesday, December 13, 2005. Season's greetings! Happy holidays! Quonset hut! Darwin's Canterbury Jitterbug! Intelligent menorahs! Now, have I covered the four horsemen of the Christmas season? (I count five, too. Gotta watch 'em.) Too much ink has been spilled\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "American Culture"","block_context":{"text":"American Culture","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/american-culture\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":86,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2004\/07\/honor-the-honorable\/","url_meta":{"origin":28,"position":2},"title":"Honor the honorable","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"July 12, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Copyright 2004 Ben S. Pollock Monday, July 12, 2004: A proposal. Earlier this month, Carl Totemeier died. Didn't know him though stopped at his stand at the Fayetteville Farmer's Market sometimes. He sold plants. In his retirement, he moved to Northwest Arkansas, but continued with his profession of horticulture and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Body, Home, Street"","block_context":{"text":"Body, Home, Street","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/body-home-street\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":153,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2005\/02\/second-adolescence\/","url_meta":{"origin":28,"position":3},"title":"Second adolescence","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"February 25, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Copyright 2005 Ben S. Pollock Friday, Feb. 25, 2005. The local paper ran a feature photo this morning of an old man playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. I couldn't tell what he thought of this; the blindfold covered most of his face. A photog grabbing this sort of shot is easy-pickin's, just head\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "American Culture"","block_context":{"text":"American Culture","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/american-culture\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":63,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2004\/11\/a-long-night-just-ended\/","url_meta":{"origin":28,"position":4},"title":"A long night just ended","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"November 3, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Copyright 2004 Ben S. Pollock Wednesday, Nov. 3, 2004. It is, absurdly, nearly 3 in the morning. My newsroom did not bring in boxes and boxes of mediocre pizza but decent barbecue for the Election Night crew. Unfortunately, I don't eat meat, so the slaw and beans kept me going\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "News, Spin"","block_context":{"text":"News, Spin","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/news-spin\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":67,"url":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/2004\/10\/thinks-hes-a-comedian\/","url_meta":{"origin":28,"position":5},"title":"Thinks he’s a comedian","author":"Ben S. Pollock","date":"October 27, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Copyright 2004 Ben S. Pollock Thursday, October 27, 2004. \"The Wall Street Journal\" today in a feature recalled Gracie Allen's 1940 run for president, noting also Eddie Cantor's in 1932 and Will Rogers in 1928 and also 1932. And it mentioned Pat Paulsen's runs in 1968, '72 and '76. No\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "News, Spin"","block_context":{"text":"News, Spin","link":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/category\/news-spin\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/benpollock.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}